G e t t i n g B a c k i n T o u c h w i t h y o u r P l e a s u r e
Are you feeling lost? Out of touch with who you used to be? Missing the woman who laughed and found joy in things that you’re just too tired for now? Have you lost interest in sex? Maybe you don’t care if you ever have it again. If any of this is resonating with you, I can guarantee you are missing the most important ingredient of a happy, fulfilled, sex-positive life… Pleasure. As women, we are taught that once we reach a certain age or have kids we should just expect to have a low libido.
But this thinking is flawed. Because it stops us from seeking help. It stops us from sharing our struggles with each other. It puts strain on our relationships. And it means we continue to accept a life without pleasure. You can have a flourishing libido at any age. With any number of kids. Even if you have a hormone imbalance and despite the medications you are on. But this requires a shift, to change what you were taught about libido and re-edu- cate yourself and your body on what you enjoy and what brings you pleasure. To re-wire your brain to accept pleasure, to feel joy, vibrate with bliss and share it with those around you.
Here are 3 ways to improve your libido:
1. Rewrite the scripts. What do you know about sex and pleasure? What have you been told in the media and by friends? How did you learn about sex? I am willing to bet you learned about sex in a very specific way (if at all) that had a lot to do with mechanics and reproduction, but not much about pleasure, and women’s pleasure in particular. You may even find the word “pleasure” uncomfortable and unsavory. This is where you need to start. If you find yourself thinking things like “women just want less sex than men” take a minute to rewrite that script. Instead, try “I wasn’t taught about the kind of sex I like and that is good for me.” Sex is not a drive, it’s a reward system. What I mean is, the longer you go without sex, the less you want it…not more. Hunger is a drive because the longer you go without food, the more you need it. You need to help your body and mind get in the mood by creating an environment that works for you, that helps you get turned on. The oldmessages and stories you are used to hearing about sex aren’t going to do that. It’s time to change them!
2. Stop blaming your hormones. It’s completely normal to look for a way to explain away your lack of libido. Yes, hormone imbalance can play a role. And balancing your hormones will probably bring you more energy, better sleep, less brain fog, and more. But what it is never going to do is break down the walls that are preventing you from experiencing pleasure or allow you to connect to your pleasure. Hormones are only one piece of the equation, and by ignoring the others, you will never truly experience the joy of vibrating with pleasure. If you suspect you have an underlying hormone imbalance, talk to your medical provider.
3. Schedule your pleasure. Stop putting yourself at the bottomof the to-do list. You don’t need to have the house clean, and the meals prepped before you can slow down and enjoy pleasure. It’s not something you need to earn. It’s something you deserve. Scheduled pleasure may not sound sexy and sponta- neous, but the facts are that a little anticipation and desire goes a long way. Think about the beginning of relationships, when everything is hot and heavy. You are planning dates days or weeks in advance, picking out your outfit, thinking about, and antic- ipating the experience. Let your desire build and enjoy it along the way. Our overwhelmed, overworked societymakes it easy to put pleasure at the bottom of your priority list. We are so disconnected fromour wants and desires that it’s easier to scroll through social media than to be intimate with our partners. But there is a better way to honor your pleasure, fix your relationship and experience the wins that come your way when
you are living with pleasure. The possibilities are endless.
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